omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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