I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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