and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
