Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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