At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
