What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
