I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
