come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
