i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
