can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
