Can Purell be used as lube?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
