You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That accounts for only three of the penises
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
