I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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