I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
