if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
