i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
