Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
