this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
