its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
