I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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