Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Your dad touched me again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
