Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm both gender and math confused
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
