Just cropdusted the office
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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