final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
