go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
