The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
