I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
