grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
