fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
