Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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