ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
