found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
