I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i think my cat just said my name.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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