A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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