yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
