So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
