when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
