Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
