Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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