I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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