so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
