The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize