Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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