i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
