Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
