oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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