He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
