Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
