In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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