I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
