I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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