he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
