Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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