hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
