I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
