whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
