i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
