Your tits are I can't wait for
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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