K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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