She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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