My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
