I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
