I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
