I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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