Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
