she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
