Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
