Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
