I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
