Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
