He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
